Last Kiss
by bonesmad
Summary: I never thought we'd have a last kiss... song fic based on Taylor Swifts song Last kiss


_I still remember the look on your face_

His eyes were still gleaming as she lifted his head onto her lap. He tried to smile but winced in pain. She couldn't take it, the look of agony on his face. He was trying to seem fine, for her but it was too late, she was covered in blood. His blood. No smile from him could make this right.

_Been through the darkness at 1:58_

She could barely see what was in front of her with the dull light from the signs on the street barely illuminating anything. She frantically shuffled around trying to find his wound. It was too dark, there was too much blood.

_The words that you whispered for just us to know_

"Kate. I love you. Look in my sock drawer. It's yours." He whispered softly as she kissed his forehead.

"No Castle don't, don't say that you're going to be fine." She said with tears rolling down her cheeks. The ambulance was flying down the street but everything seemed to be going in slow motion for her.

_You told me you loved me so why did you go away, go away_

"No…" she shook her head turning away from the doctor. "No." she ran a hand threw her hair and crouched down.

"Kate where is he?" Alexis said running into the waiting room she stopped when she saw the detective on the floor. "No… no Kate!"

_I do recall now the smell of the rain_

She could still remember the smell of graveyard, wet grass and too many flowers. Ryan and Esposito had, had to hold her up for the entire ceremony. She'd never been so helpless before. At her mothers funeral it had been her holding her father up. Now she was the one that couldn't stand.

_Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane_

She could still remember the day it had all happened. She'd just arrived back from Vegas from Lanie's bachelorette party. She'd basically run off the plane and into his waiting arms at the terminal. Only a few days apart and she'd missed him like crazy.

_That July 9th the beat of your heart_

He'd just hugged her tightly and held her head against his chest she smiled as she heard his steady heartbeat against her ear.

_It jumps through your shirt, I can still feel your arms_

If she closes her eyes she can still feel the soft material of his shirt against her cheek. His arms hugging her, holding her, as if to keep her safe.

_But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes_

She picked out the shirt that she had thought looked best on him, that evening after the funeral. She took it off the hanger and pulled it over her head. Then she sank to the floor wishing it smelt a little bit more like him and less like washing powder.

_All that I know is I don't know_  
_How to be something you miss_

She couldn't pull herself together. She couldn't be strong. She couldn't be the person he'd want her to be right now. The woman he'd want her to be for his mother and daughter. She just couldn't.

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_

His lips had been stone cold. She'd kiss them gently and then started crying at the coldness of them. Then the coroner had pulled the sheet over his face.

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

It was meant to be her. she was the one who was more likely to get shot. Not him. He shouldn't have even been there. He most definitely shouldn't be dead.

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

She gasped and sat up in the bed.

"Castle!" she whispered as a tear ran down her cheek. She couldn't handle the dreams.

_I do remember the swing of your step_

He'd never really walk he almost had a bounce in his step, no matter where he was going. There was life in his walk.

_The life of the party, you're showing off again_

He lit up every room. Got everyone laughing. Sometimes he made a fool of himself showing off and telling stories about himself that anyone else would be mortified about but he would tell gleefully.

_And I roll my eyes and then you pulled me in_

Even though she'd grown to love his sometimes foolish, often childish ways she felt the need to always roll her eyes at him. He loved it and would respond by pulling her in for a kiss.

_I'm not much for dancing but for you did_

He was the kind of person that would pull her out to the middle of an empty dance floor in front of hundreds of people just to embarrass her, and she had never admitted it to him, but he was the only one that she would melt into, completely forgetting her embarrassment.

_Because I loved your handshake, meeting my father_

She laughed weakly at the memory of him and her father the first time they'd met since admitting they were together. He tried to put on a serious face when he shook his hand. "Mr Beckett." He'd said firmly. He was like a teenager.

_I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets_

Anytime he was in trouble he'd shove his hands in his pockets and his shoulders would raise slightly. It was oddly endearing. Sometimes she'd wondered why she found him so irresistible, he was basically a man child.

_How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something_

"you're so reckless! I told you speci…" he cut her off in a soul crushing kiss.

_There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_

She'd give anything to not finish a sentence every again because of his kiss.

_And I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes_

So here she sat in the middle of their bedroom clutching the small box that she'd found in his sock drawer. It was hers he'd said. It had only made her break down a little more.

_All that I know is I don't know_  
_How to be something you miss_

Martha had joined her during the night. Alexis in the early hours of the morning. The three of them sat on the floor silently mourning. Silently crying and silently trying to be strong.

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep_

She didn't know when but they'd all migrated to be bed, she slowly turned the pages in the photo album. She'd never really focused on him in these photos before. They'd always been looking at Alexis growing up in the foreground. Not the father figure in the background.

_And I'll feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe_

He was gone. Completely gone. He'd never be snoring next to her again. Never steal all the covers.

_And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are_  
_Hope it's nice where you are_

She'd left the force. Too many memories. To hard. But she did keep up with the boys. Once a month they'd come over just to talk about him. Keep the happy memories of him alive. Keep her above water.

_I never thought we'd ever last kiss_  
_Never imagined we'd end like this_  
_Your name, forever the name on my lips_  
_Just like our last kiss, forever the name on my lips_  
_Forever the name on my lips, just like our last_


End file.
